Guest blog by Kylie Warry.
Have you ever had to work with a strong willed, highly opinionated “Powerful Communicator”? Someone who is so overpowering they just push everyone else aside? If you have ever worked with this style you would know it! They don’t mean to be like they are – to them it is normal.
Based on my Communication DNA model, these are what I call the Powerful Communicators. What is it that makes a Powerful Communicator difficult?
It is their strength, drive, frank communication style, confrontational presence that can make them tricky for those different to them. Additionally, when two of this style come together there can also be an almighty power struggle as they both fight for control.
Powerful Communicators usually end up in positions of leadership, management and decision-making. Why? Because they love control! They are also natural decision makers and get frustrated when someone struggles or takes time with this. This does not necessarily make them great at leadership however. It takes a very self-aware person to be an awesome leader. I believe that any DNA style can make a great leader if they understand themselves and are willing to bring out the best in others.
If you are struggling with someone who loves control, loves to take over and have the final word, they are likely ‘The Powerful’ style who loves problems and challenges, craves results, is very black and white and can come across as confrontational and even aggressive. Such people can be highly opinionated to the point where the only opinion that can exist in conversation with them is theirs!!
Powerful Communicators are very good at saying “No”. What this means for everyone else is that unless you stand up to them you will get mown down. It can be very much like “It’s their way or the highway.”
They know what they want, and they go for it. They are driven by results and often mow people over to get to the result. Such a strong Communicator has absolutely no issue with boundaries and looking after their own interests. Most of them don’t even realise how much they can come across as blunt or like a bully at times. They honestly think everyone else finds it just as easy to say “No”, when needed.
However, here is where it gets interesting. Because they are such strong Communicators and can be so confrontational, mostly people don’t actually say “No” to them! So, they get this false sense of reality, thinking there are no issues. They go on their merry way, leaving this wake of people with bruises.
Now I spend much of my training and coaching time helping people become assertive, so they can effectively deal with a Strong willed, say it like it is, “Powerful Communicator”. You may be having a stroke right now at the thought of dealing with someone so assertive and direct.
The key is to communicate with them in their way, be direct! The amazing thing is, it works! Powerful and Strong Communicators need to be communicated with in a strong and direct way. They get it and even more importantly they respect it. The trouble comes when people avoid them and are not direct with them.
Best of all they don’t see it as confrontation, I promise. Just have a go, remember don’t be rude, stick to the facts, use I messages, be assertive and you will get through to that Powerful Communicator.
So, if you are struggling for airtime with one of these communicators the key is to get direct, use fewer words, stand your ground by being assertive and ensure you are heard. If this is scary to you, reach out because there is support.
Do not keep avoiding the problem; that is not the answer. The first step may be to understand yourself a little more and to do that you can uncover your Communication strengths, style and struggles with our online course. It costs as much a takeaway pizza, so it is well worth it! You can find out more here.
Until next time Care, Connect and be a Courageous Communicator.
Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.